An Open Letter to my Mama

September 3rd. The day my mother Marjorie Scotland was born.

I lost my mother when I was 12 years old on August 1st, 2003. Since that day, I’ve always wondered what I could do to celebrate her life instead of feeling sad over her death. I’ve planted trees. Cried a lot. Started a memory box. Then, cried some more. This year, I have decided every year on her birthday, I am going to share with you a letter to my Mama. Sharing some experiences she couldn’t experience with me and memories of my childhood.

I know there are many people who have gone through the amount of pain I have. Especially when it comes to losing your mother or anyone you cherish. My hope is you get some inspiration from this and learn to celebrate the LIFE of those you lost. Give others the chance to learn about what wonderful human we are missing.

Dear Mama,

This year has been a rough one. However, it has also been so rewarding. Well, let’s get this out-of-the-way, I am still single. I know you are working on a man for me. So I’ll continue patiently waiting.

I launched my blog this year! We’ve had many discussions about that and it took me so long to just trust in myself and dive in. To no surprise to you, Grandma Toulia is the one who told me I should go for it. She pushed me to do what I am passionate about. But you know how much of a bad (excuse my French) ass she is! I was always so terrified of disappointing you and Grandma. Her support also meant I had your seal of approval. I hope that’s ok.

Nyla (Caroline’s daughter) turned 1 this year! That one is Caroline in a nutshell. I can just hear you laughing it up with me as she’s learning her first words. Ellen Moore looks more and more like you every day (which I’m jealous of). Miracle is a junior in high school. I know, and she thinks she is miss thang! And Ricky is as cool and calm as always. I know you would disapprove of how hard I am on him most of the time. But, it’s from love… Ok! I’ll work on it. Of course, I haven’t talked to or seen my father in I don’t know how many years. But, I hear he’s doing well. Whoopee for him.

THERE IS NEVER A DAY THAT GOES BY I DON’T FIND MYSELF LOST IN A MOMENT THINKING ABOUT A CHILDHOOD MEMORY YOU MADE SPECIAL.

Remember when you use to braid our hair every Sunday? That was our individual time with you. I never thought of it that way. But after talking with Ellen Moore today, she brought it to my attention. Every Sunday. That was a time for each of us to have one on one Mama time. I was such an idiot kid who didn’t understand much about anything. All I wanted to do was play, eat, sleep, and repeat.

The amount of love you showed is growing up has made me into the passionate woman I am today. That may also be a fault of mine, but I’ll take it. Thank you for giving me your heart, your voice, your chubby cheeks, and your never-ending squeaky laugh. I will cherish them always. I love you, Mama.

Love always,
Char Char

If you have lost someone you thought you would never be able to live without. Try not to Wallow in self-pity. Take that passion and love you have for them and put it into something you know they wanted for your life. Embrace that pain because it will never end. But it always gets better. Thanks for reading guys.